14th August 2012

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Waiting

There’s a form of torture, it’s called Chinese Water torture. Basically, the prisoner is kept in a room, and the torturer drips water at irregular rhythms into the room. Sometimes on the prisoner himself. And each drip, drip, drip echoes. And the prisoner has nothing else to do but wait for the next drop of water to land, possibly on him, possibly somewhere else in the room, making him cringe with the sound. Eventually, the anticipation of the next drop drives him insane.

I’m waiting. For quite a bit, I suppose.

I just finished the 6th season of Doctor Who. I went through a summer of intense episode after episode, no break in between. And now suddenly my seemingly endless supply has abruptly halted, and I have nothing to do but sit around and wait for the next season to come rolling around. I’m sure the producers will take their time.

School starts soon. September 4th. 10th grade, sophomore year. I can only hope it will be a step up from last year. Everything went wrong. People talk too much. Think they know everything…no one ever knows the full consequences of their actions. Or maybe they just don’t want to see it. I’ll have to face certain people again. Certain people whom I very much wish to avoid.

Public Forum, the topic  comes out on the 15th. That’s tomorrow. I’ve been waiting since March for this, to dive right in to research and argumentation…it’s my life, I love it, yet I fear I will never be good enough.

Also on the 15th…cross country season finally starts again. Confession? I’m scared. I don’t want to do this. I want so badly to quit, pretend I never started in the first place. Either way my mother is pushing me to focus on academics, not some silly sport that drains my  time yet I will never be able to excel in. It would be so easy for me to just…run away from everything that keeps me tied to the team, no pun intended. That everything…my friendship. One that I believed interminable, invincible. I think I was wrong. I think it’s over, or ending. And I don’t think there is anything I could have done about it. Her choice. Still, I could fight…but I’m not sure I have it in me. I’m not sure if I care enough. And that is a terrible thing to say…but it’s what I think.

I’m waiting for us to finally buy a house, so I can stop living in a basement. However this means giving up a hell of a lot of freedom…but at least I won’t be waiting anymore. We’ve been thinking about starting the packing, the next step is the actual putting stuff in boxes. The first step has been taken, our lease is no longer on a yearly basis, it’s month to month. Now I’m just waiting for rest of the dominoes to fall over. I’ve seen it happen before, I’m waiting for it again.

I want things to just happen, already. I hate the down time, the lulls in between action packed events. Granted, I wouldn’t be saying that if it weren’t a lull right now…it’s torture, it is. The waiting.

13th August 2012

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The Beginning

So I was thinking.

It’s 2:30 in the morning. What do I do?

Strange, right? Most people would think, oh uh, sleep, maybe?

And yet, most of us today don’t even think about rest until there’s something worth doing. If you ask me, we have our priorities messed up. But what can we do?

And then I decided, my tumblr isn’t about me enough. I mean yes, I reblog what I like, but…what am I contributing, really? I don’t know…

So 2:30 in the morning, I decide, I want to put myself on the internet. Hello, whoever’s reading. Whoever is doing nothing else valuable with their time.

Thanks for the privilege of wasting your time.